Updated: Jun 15
Do you know what arachibutyrophobia means? Of course you do. Who hasn’t heard of ‘fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth’?
When it comes to phobias you could say I have the opposite of phobophobia – a fear of phobias – I am interested in them and often check out the list of phobias in the world to see if there are any new ones since last time.
While going through the list, I congratulate myself on not suffering from an irrational fear of buttons (koumpounophobia), balloons, (globophobia) or the colour purple (porphyrophobia) which so many seem to be riddled with nowadays.
And the one phobia I certainly don’t suffer from is Cibophobia – aversion to food. There are hundreds if not thousands of phobias with delightful names, but the one condition I do have isn’t listed. OK, it’s not exactly a phobia, more of a disappointment.
But the disappointment is huge.
I suppose many others suffer from the same thing which should have a Latin name (at least Greek) but doesn’t: The intense disappointment you feel when you have been looking forward to a dish, or a whole meal, for days, perhaps months, and when you finally get to chomp down on it, it’s absolutely crap.
Whether it’s badly or wrongly made, with the wrong ingredients or just not tasting at all how you had expected, longed for or imagined, the disappointment is the same.
And for some reason, the highest percentage by far of my incidents of foodcrushedness, has been in connection with #nachos
That’s right, that little delicacy of Mexico, so essentially Mexican that it’s probably originating from somewhere else but isn’t, is the one thing in my experience almost nobody manages to get right.
They use Doritos instead of proper tortilla chips. They drench the thing in a gooey orange cheese sauce that should only be used as clown makeup, so there’s no crunch left in the chips. They load up with hundreds of ingredients where only three or four would suffice. In short, they make it taste not right.
Pubs and bars are the worst offenders, although it has to be said I once had some fantastic nachos in an Irish pub in Hong Kong specialising in Indian food. I should know better, but whenever I’m near beer, I get an irresistible urge to eat nachos, knowing I will probably be disappointed. And I am, again and again. And sometimes even Mexican restaurants get it hopelessly wrong!
Crushed, crushed, crushed.
But there’s one Mexican restaurant at least where I am guaranteed to go home un-food crushed, whether by nachos or any other dish.
That restaurant is Taquero Mucho in Paseo Maritimo, Palma de Mallorca. Not only do they have good nachos, completely undrenched and never been near a Dorito, but the whole menu is surprisingly comprehensive and also very inexpensive. Surprising yes, because the restaurant is situated right on the edge of something like a Mallorcan Golden Mile of restaurants.
My experience with such restaurants, usually crawling with tourists as they are is that they don’t have to try very hard – so they don’t. In my experience they are complacent and over-priced, knowing that one dissatisfied customer won’t keep 10 000 and 100 000 more from flowing in.
But Taquero Mucho which I first visited more than two years ago, is sticking to its high standards with or without tourists. And the standard is: Fresh and beautiful ingredients made into mouth-watering dishes and served promptly and without the waiter waffling on about what’s on the menu or what the ingredients are of the thing we ordered.
What is it with some waiters that they feel they have to “explain” what you already know? I know Taco Taquiqueso is with cheese! That’s why I ordered it.
And oh, so good, so good, the Taquiqueso! Pulled pork that melts in the mouth, delicious cheese but not too much – scrumptious! The only thing I didn’t like was that it was served on paper that was made to look like newspaper.
Why, when there is so much good crockery on the market? I think serving food on paper cheapens the experience and makes it look like fast food.
Also, when you try to share the taquiqueso with, for example your editor, the paper tears and sticks to your half of the quesadilla.
But nothing can take away from the complete and utter lack of Food Disappointment this charming little restaurant delivers in droves.
Oh, and they also play good, dance-worthy music from before I was born!
Taquero Mucho (apparently a pun on Te quiero mucho, I love you very much)
Calle Gabriel Roca (Paseo Maritimo) 35
Tel: 971 94 11 22